Ruin the wish then make a wish. I’ll start

[pumpkinmcqueen]

I wish I had a million chicken nuggets

[spexial-k]

They all bitten into

I wish I had 5mil and an annual vacation to Hawaii

[pumpkinmcqueen]

Granted but it means you relive the same year over and over

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner

[humble-magnificent]

You’re turned into a tofu dog instead.

I wish I could travel as much as I want whenever I want

[pumpkinmcqueen]

Granted but you have to ride as cargo or be shipped fedex style

I wish I could cook like a top chef

[spexial-k]

Granted but you can’t season your food

I wish i had multiple talents

[pumpkinmcqueen]

Granted but one of them is uncontrollable flatulence

I wish I had a pet cow the size of a puppy

[biohazerd]

granted, but it still takes regular cow sized shits and refuses to be trained.

i wishi could change my hair color & legnth at will

[mycoffeesins]

Granted but all your hair, everywhere grows/changes at once

I wish I could live my dream job.

[biohazerd]

granted, but it pays minimum wage with no benefits or chance for promotion.

i wish i could teleport wherever i wanted whenever i wanted

[bruddabois]

Granted, but you lose a limb everytime you teleport

I wish I had telekinesis

[biohazerd]

granted, but every time you use ur telekinesis your brain cells drastically deplete

i wish i had the power to cure anyone of any disease

[bruddabois]

Granted but every time you cure a disease you have a stroke

I wish I was the world’s best kickboxer

[flipperwasadick]

Granted but your only opponents are kindergartners

I wish my student loans were all paid off

[thetallblacknerd]

granted but now all your living expense increase to equal the total amount of that debt

I wish I was immune to all bad things

[bruddabois]

granted but now all those things you’re immune to happen to your loved ones

I wish I had an apiary & wildflower park

[sauvamente]

Granted but all the flowers are poisonous and nocturnal and the bees are actually hornets

I wish I had a hundred million dollars and access to any destination of my choosing at any time

[ninoport]

Granted but no matter where you go to, you’ll be chased by bugs flying all over and around you. No one else will see or hear the bugs but you.

I wish I could rewind time, just so I can warn the world about Drumpf

[sauvamente]

You get to warn people and they listen but you’ll have to live in the reality where he becomes president

I wish I had an unlimited supply of good Riesling

[the-bitch-goddess-success]

Granted but all the bottles got a cockroach in the bottom

I wish I got my master’s degree

[sauvamente]

Granted but you gotta get it from trump university and pay tuition five years after the fact

I wish I knew all languages

[icare4u]

granted, but everyone you come into contact with is mute

i wish i could play any instrument

[sauvamente]

Granted but everything sounds like wet flatulence to everyone but you

I wish everyone that ever hurt me has misfortune and pain forever

[gluklixhe]

Granted but you’ve also hurt yourself a lot haven’t you?

I wish I had self confidence

[sauvamente]

Granted but you will never have a reflection in the mirror ever again.

I wish they would’ve picked anyone but tr*mp

[pumpkinspicepunani]

Granted but they picked Ben Carson instead.
I wish I had a 4.0 gpa.

[pussypoppinlikepopcorn]

Granted but your student loans multiples by 4

I wish I had my own apartment fully paid with a cute cat that lives with me

[battlships]

Granted, but the cat hates you.

I wish I wouldn’t keep forgetting to eat.

[hickeysandharleyquinn]

Granted but everything tastes like cardboard.

I wish I could live in a fantasy world of my choosing

[lemememeringue]

Granted, but you’re destined to live out a mediocre and ultimately unfulfilling life while watching everyone around you flourish.

I wish I never have to deal with uterine cramps ever again.

[holy-crap-someone-finally]

Granted but the pain moves to the rest of your body and intensifies

I wish my brother was in prison

[whovianhalfblood]

Granted, but you have to go with him.
I wish I had a boyfriend

[holy-crap-someone-finally]

Granted, but he turns out to be abusive

I wish pineapple on pizza didn’t exist

[lemememeringue]

Granted, but now it’s impossible to have any pizza with meat on it.

I wish I didn’t have executive dysfunction.

[holy-crap-someone-finally]

Granted, but your favourite person gets it instead

I wish I didn’t have BPD

[onlycatsshouldexist]

Granted, but your closest friend has it instead.

I wish I was living in New York and had financially stability.

[xo-runningman-xo]

Granted, but your place in New York gets bombed

I wish to get into syf

[seven-hotties-all-my-husbands]

Granted, but else participates.

I wish the guy I like goes out with me.

[kitrinafalcon]

Granted, but then you wake up.

I wish all dishonest politicians disappear from our planet.